THE FINE LINE BETWEEN URANUS AND YOUR ANUS
                               WRTCH "SENSORY EXIT" (SELF GROUP)
                               RELEASED?
Out now.
                               SOUNDS LIKE? Interesting, compelling and
                               very much worth the investment in time and
                               attention that it needs and deserves. The
                               first thing you need to do is ignore the
                               nonsensical, faux intellectual, post-
                               educational posturing that makes up sleeve
                               notes, press stuff and interviews. The
                               second thing you need to do is settle down,
                               or unsettle down with the disturbingly
                               measured and undoubtedly hand crafted walls
                               and whirlpools of sound that are going to
                               delight and frighten you. We've flagged up
                               the track "Sensory Exit" because the artist
                               allows it and it is very much as described,
                               but colder meat waits on similar bones on
                               the "Sympathy For The Creator" album that's
                               out now.
                               IS IT ANY GOOD? Usually, the kind of person
                               who describes themselves as a 'noise artist'
would be shot in the face before getting ear time here, but Wrtch is real and is the real deal, a young person ex of the oldest profession is a now a very real artist in the world of noise. Listen, learn and love. Wrtch won't love you back, back that's not the point, is it?
WHERE IS IT? www.ambrosiabartosekulva.com
                         THE LOVELY HELL AND ALL THAT
                                   FEEL FREEZE "WET MY TONGUE" (ICONS
                                   CREATING EVIL ART)
                                   RELEASED?
Out now.
                                   SOUNDS LIKE? More unsettling stuff,
                                   insistent and asymmetrical melantronica
                                   swirling into swoon pop. I know that
                                   they're Danish, but it's almost like
                                   Nick Cave decided to lush it up with
                                   Sigur Ros. This is quietly compelling
                                   and modestly anthemic and I want more
                                   of them.
                                   IS IT ANY GOOD? Oh yes, Feel Freeze are
                                   disturbingly and delightfully good at
                                   what they do, whatever the lovely hell
                                   that is.
                                   WHERE IS IT? facebook.com/feelfreezedk
LIFE SHOULD BE A BOOK, A REALLY, REALLY GOOD BOOK
SAVOY "LACKLUSTRE ME" (APOLLON RECORDS)
RELEASED?
6th January 2017.
SOUNDS LIKE? First released in 1997 and I assume that is the year I was asleep for tax purposes, because "Lacklustre Me" is everything that Britpop wanted and failed to be and it hands The Verve their arse and it's very Beatle-ish, but from the 'Helter-Skelter' end of the line. So, the one thing we know for sure is that lacklustre, it ain't. First, this is a rock album, the excellent and intelligent production doesn't wipe or disguise the sweat drops, count them if that's your thing, otherwise you can just marvel in the finding of a sweet, dirty, soulful, post-retro and waaaay cool rock album that you will love, or we will hunt you down.
















The firm favourite at this end is "Foreign Film", a kind of relentlessly out-garbaging Garbage with fucking big knobs on, kind of thing and you know that Savoy came to kick ass and chew bubblegum and... Then there's the way they anticipate cutesy-pie, post Wilson Brothers Americana with "Butt Out" and then there's the way they backflip the timeline to smash Traffic into very, very early Status Quo with "This That And The Other" and I guess that Savoy are just a band with a very fine second album that's been re-released and that gives morons like me and clever people like you a second chance to assess it.
IS IT ANY GOOD? Yes. I have "Foreign Film" on right now, full bore, in the expensive headphones and I am happy. Ha, buy that if you can.
WHERE IS IT? www.apollonrecords.no
WAITING OUT THE WEATHER IS FAB
ALICE SIGNAL FIRES "HOT AIR BALLOONS" (DIGITAL)
RELEASED?
5th November.
SOUNDS LIKE? I am more annoying than they are.
I just can't work out the clever way of saying
that Alice Signal Fire are brilliant, but making
a good job of hiding the fact. This is a
slovenly urgent, churn and burn anthem that
smoulders where it should burn and burbles where
it should be grabbing throats and ears, gah,
kids, today, etc. That said, or spat, Alice
Signal Fires and 'Hot Air Balloons' are fucking
fab, but come on, kill me, you know that you
can, embrace the stadium, clear the mud from the
mix and stuff it in my stupid mouth.
IS IT ANY GOOD? Yes, damn them, Alice Signal
Fires are very good indeed and they can't hide
it forever.
WHERE IS IT? www.facebook.com/alicesignalfires
IF IT AIN'T STIFF...
THE SHRIVES "MADNIGHT" (SOUNDCLOUD)
RELEASED?
Out now.
SOUNDS LIKE? Snappy, snappy, a
helter-belter ride through and over
lots of good stuff. Ramones versus
Ian Drury and very much the kind of
outfit that Arctic Monkeys think
they are. Soulful, pop-punk it is
then, although the musical hall
slickness of Madness is in there.
I'm guessing that this raggedy-arse, spontaneous thing is properly rehearsed and that's a good thing and The Shrives are a good thing. Ignore the big name producers, the hype and this gusheroo review. Just listen to them, go see them, have fun and enjoy the ride.
IS IT ANY GOOD? Very, we usually find that the latest cluster fucking band of the minute are more depressing than Eastenders, but The Shrives are ten trick ponies, a real band with some shit hot tracks.
WHERE IS IT? www.facebook.com/theshrives
BEFORE PINK FLOYD GOT FAT
ORIGAMI HORSES "EVERYBODY SMILE" EP
(METAL POSTCARD RECORDS)
RELEASED?
Out now.
SOUNDS LIKE? We don't do favourites
and, just like The Clash, Origami
Horses have some duffers on their
cv, but they are kind of our house
band and they are, even if we say it
ourselves, coming along nicely and
nastily, oh yes. We're guessing that
this ep is released because they're
too hyper active or too skint to
release another full album just yet,
but we're going with hyper active
because this is five tracks worth of
simmering, sneering, slouching and
outrage delivered with increasing complexity and subtlety. Having said that, the opener, "Origami Horses" is like early Fall firing frozen packets of blood through the air conditioning, it shrieks and it reeks and the studio take on "Smiler" is a slow step around sweet guitar cores, chopping chords and if Little Feat came from Bolton it might be like this, yes, it's that good. Of course, the live version of the same track is just awful, you'd recognise it as class if was the only version available, but now it's like seeing a bad film of a good book. Pick of the litter here is the punked up prog-rocking splinterscape called "Don't Touch It's Live". Fuck the missing comma, or take it up with them when you go to see them live, because this is seriously fucked up soul music, gothic soul, thin shrouds of feedback scrawling across a skeletal mix of dead child vocals, atonal backwashing and all held together with the rough stitches of a two note riff, perfect, Pink Floyd used to do that before they got fat.
IS IT ANY GOOD? Yes, this is a good record, now get it.
WHERE IS IT? facebook.com/Origami-Horses
                       REGRETTES? I'VE HAD A FEW...
                                THE REGRETTES "SEASHORE" (DIGITAL)
                                RELEASED?
Out now.
                                SOUNDS LIKE? Punk nursery crime. That's it
                                really. The track is pretty nifty, Spanish
                                frills, dramatic pauses, sub-pistol
                                guitaring and it's all pretty much Mink De
                                Ville with a very large bug up his arse
                                and it deals with misogyny, male
                                aggression, patronisation and
                                infantalisation and how women, or The
                                Regrettes, reject this by pointing out that they're ready to smash male teeth in, very helpful. Still, it's a kicking track and they've aimed it's cheery 'Go Fuck Yourself" message at Donald Trump, whoever he is.
IS IT ANY GOOD? Yeah, it is and I'm thinking that when they're old enough to vote they will will be even better.
WHERE IS IT? facebook.com/regrettes/
RACHMANINOFF GOES GOTH, AGAIN
iamBADDLUCK "OATH" (SOUNDCLOUD)
RELEASED?
Out now.
SOUNDS LIKE? The artiste is a classically
trained pianist. Obviously the classics
are a gateway to goth and iamBADDLUCK
thinks that's where she's at. The truth is,
as always, somewhat underwhelming and
"Oath" is a busy bag of standard
electro-tech trickery, too busy to pull a
coherent melody or chorus into the mix and
autotuned witterings about angsty lurve
are too boring for words. Wmngsf mhyrw mmmns! See? That's what happens when you get to thinking that pop music is an easier or more exciting option than classical. IamBADDLUCK needs to get a slab of Beethoven's "Eroica" or maybe Mozart's "Symphony No 31", that's good shit.
IS IT ANY GOOD? No, there's more to the darkside than corpse flesh coloured hair and posing with a crystal ball, "Oath" is just any old tat. 
WHERE IS IT? soundcloud.com/iambaddluck
CANADA WELCOMES CAREFUL JIVERS
LAMPSHADES "THRILLS" (BANDCAMP)
RELEASED?
Out now.
SOUNDS LIKE? We get news from the sane end
of the bit known as North America. Take it
away, Eric, Tan and Karver, from Toronto...
"Lampshades came together in 2015 with the
aim of taking the weirdness we admired in
80s noise rock and adding our own
frenetic energy into the mix. Our
recording efforts to date showcase a
ferocious and visceral sound that captures
our intense live performances and our
thematic preoccupations with the
disengagement and disenfranchisement found
within the urban landscape." Wait, come
back, they're just crazy kids and there's
no proven link between 80's noise rock and
cancer, so let's just spin this shit, ok?
Oooh, not too shabby, a kind of Television
vs Nirvana with lazy snake riffs
slithering through the squalls, maybe shades of 'Diamond Dogs' in there as well. This track is the taster from an imminent album, we used to call them 'singles', but that's all over, probably. Anyway, the album is called "in Media Res" and it's out on the 9th December and we're kind of looking forward to it.
IS IT ANY GOOD? Yes, intelligent hard rock is a thing of rarity. Check in, turn it up, drop one, drop out, all that stuff.
WHERE IS IT? www.facebook.com/Lampshades
OBNOXIOUSLY POPPY = DEAD GOOD
THE COLLASABLE HEARTS CLUB "EASY STREET" (i-TUNES)
                                          RELEASED?
Out now.
                                          SOUNDS LIKE? Obviously it
                                          sounds like trad jazz invading
                                          Sesame Street and taking a pile
                                          of drugs before abusing a banjo
                                          in front of terrified children.
                                          The good news is that "Easy
                                          Street" is a stand alone, stand
                                          out track, but it will forever
                                          be associated with ye olde
                                          'Walking Dead' and the
                                          juxtaposition is a cute bit of tv, but we will always remember the sheer class of the song and it's writer, Jim Bianco, he said of "Easy Street" that it had an 'upbeat, obnoxiously pop-y hook' and he is bang on the money and he deserves it.
IS IT ANY GOOD? Yes.
WHERE IS IT? http://jimbianco.com/
KEEP REHEARSING THAT SPONTANEITY!
BANDZILLA "BANDZILLA RISES!" (BANDZILLA RECORDS)
RELEASED?
18th November.
SOUNDS LIKE? Very slick, very polished, very complicated, high end musicianship, so it's no surprise that much of "Bandzilla Rises!" sounds like extended versions of American sit-com signature tunes. You can't
                                                  listen to something like
                                                  "Live As One" without
                                                  thinking about
                                                  'Seinfeld'. To be
                                                  honest, I can't listen
                                                  to it all. Yes, it's all
                                                  damn perfect, but
                                                  massively clever and,
                                                  ultimately, flawless is
                                                  joyless and Bandzilla
                                                  may be the work of
                                                  master studio musicians,
                                                  but it just shows how these people need some mis-direction, some scuffs, some drugs and a sense of humour to replace the whole self-satisfied vibe that's ruling here.
IS IT ANY GOOD? No. I did have a good old think about this, but "Bandzilla Rises!" is, for all the musical heavyweights involved, a very lightweight and underwhelming album. It's essentially posh elevator music and these people may be able to play everything, but they can't write anything that sounds unpretentious. Still, they're obviously very pleased with it and that's nice.
WHERE IS IT? www.bandzilla.net
He shits his genius into
   a bag!
Could you be a dear and kill Olly Murrs for me?
MORE LATER...
Toddlers 4 Sanders