I LET MY TEETH BECOME OFF WHITE
SORORITY NOISE "YOU'RE NOT AS ____ YOU THINK" (BIG SCARY MONSTERS)
RELEASED? 17th March.
SOUNDS LIKE? A record to love and a hype to loathe. It's hard not to resent pr fluff that claims "Sorority Noise write important songs", but it's impossible not to utterly, utterly love this record. Maybe the pr people listened to it as well, I dunno, but you start with the taut-rage, brighter and crosser take on early Nirvana called "No Halo" and the rest is a rolling, crashing, never coasting blitzkreig of snapped out, drawled in, bound up, bursting out barbed wire rawk n rage against the dying of the light. If you want comparisons you're looking at a fairly modern selection like Hookworms or Violent Human System for the noise and a pretty ancient selection like Schwervon and Steve Adams for the





















lyrical content and all four of those are in your collection or we need to talk, but for now we can talk about Sorority Noise and how  the can use the bludgeon and the scalpel with equal violence, skill, subtlety and mindless enthusiasm and you need "Second Letter From St Julie" for that and you need the whole album, even the off kilter, nearly Yoko chimes lurking in the quieter bits of "Leave The Fan On". Yes, "You're Not As ___ You Think" is a fantastic, exhausting, wonderful, debilitating, uplifting flood of rage, depression, impossible questions,sarcasm and sharp as a new tack pop n roll stylings, there's effects and electronic shit as well, get it, get it, just get the fucking thing and if you don't love it we will make sure that you never miss the money it cost.
IS IT ANY GOOD? Let's put it this way, Sorority Noise write important songs. So, go hear them.
WHERE IS IT? Www.sororitynoise.com
  / sororitynoise.bandcamp.com
Music Reviews February 2017
FUNKED UP AND WHITE PART ONE
MYLES MANLEY "RELAX; ENJOY YOUR NIGHT UPON THE TOWN" (LITTLE L)
RELEASED? 17th February.
SOUNDS LIKE? Mental shit. You know
when David 'Talking Heads' Byrne
did his patronising, "Let's get
down with Africa" album? Course
you do, but the thing is Myles
Manley is just doing it, by
accident, or magic, or he's pissed
or something, but this clatters
and shuffles and it's one of the
very few examples of a white man being funky in the George Clinton sense. Chaos is cool and this is only the trailer for a full album that follows, soonish.
IS IT ANY GOOD? Yes is the only word we can use here.
WHERE IS IT? www.mylesmanley.com
He's fucking that dustbin again!
Yeah, he is.
I don't know who Steve Adams is!
DEATH, THE FINAL FRONT EAR
LOLA DUTRONIC "EVERYBODY LOVES YOU WHEN YOU'RE DEAD - THE SEQUEL" (BANDCAMP / i-TUNES ETC)
RELEASED? Out now.
SOUNDS LIKE? It may be
reworked, remixed and
have a new set of lyrics
to take account of the
mass cull of good guys
in 2016, but it's still
very French and very
swoonsome pop. It's a
little more hard edged
and tech savvy this time
around, but just as good
as their original and the most adorable thing about the song is it's delicious indecision. On the one hand there's the loss and the regret and on the other hand there's the cynical observation of other's cynicism, still with me? Thought not, listen to the fucker, both versions and then write your own version that deals with the hilarious / unexpected / very welcome / tragic deaths of Cliff Richards, Madonna, Gary Barlow and Tom Jones.
IS IT ANY GOOD? Yes, yes and yes again. Death respects no thing and no one, why should Lola Dutronic?
WHERE IS IT? www.facebook.com/LOLA-DUTRONIC
                   TRADES ON MY FAITH
                          CONNOR DESAI "SISTER" (BANDCAMP)
                          RELEASED? Out now.
                          SOUNDS LIKE? Brutally fragile agi-folk-
                          drone, but the well known feminist and
                          daughter exploiter, Alice Cooper, said
                          it first and said it best, all pith and
                          no piss, "Only women bleed". Obviously
                          that's not true, but the observation is
                          provocative and the song powerful and
                          Connor Desai may well match or exceed
                          "Only Women Bleed", but she hasn't done
                          it on this EP, fine and worthy though it
                          is and that's quite enough being
                          sensible and patronising, so let's just
                          do it; "Sister" is earnest and dull, but
                          mainly dull. The messages are, really
                          are universal, but are well known and better articulated and often come with better soundtracks.
IS IT ANY GOOD? Of course, but not really. You'd buy it, you'd own  it and you'd play to people while wanting to get rid of them so you could play Patti Smith and Plastique Bertrand.
WHERE IS IT? http://connordesai.com/
Dull? Look at
the hat, look at
the hat!
WHY DON'T WE JUST GO WOOOOSH?
THE ORCHESTRA OF CARDBOARD "THE SHETLANDS" (BLANG RECORDS)
RELEASED? 9th March.
SOUNDS LIKE? I am lost for words, not terribly helpful in this sort of situation, but it's usually some delusionary trustafarian recycling guff that flirted with the Smug-Cunt Charts, so when you get something like "The Shetlands" billowing out of the speakers it's quite overwhelming. Right, make with the words... I'll start with the title track, just like they did; "The Shetlands" is an easy in with a shifty wooze that's cunningly underpinned by some sly violins and then everything kind of gently piles in, the male lead shifts from low key to shoulders back and the female adds vampires and angels in asides and chorus and the drums are whacked with slow and deliberate accuracy and it goes all torch song, anthemic and Jimmy Webb would love this almost as much as you will. "Portraits And Rain" is McCartney being bucked up by



















Jarvis Cocker and it's not as simple as that because I'm having a stroke or they're doing some tape-stretching stuff and that clarinet is never going to get over what they're doing to it and it's very different, but equally great and the piano is trickier than a card sharp on a roll. They carry on the McCartney nonsense with "I Lit A Fire", a dangerous take on "Seaside Woman", vaguely reggae, plastique-bounce-brass, fairground keyboards, it's probably a hymn to the splifftastic community and if it's not, move on to the northern souled in thing called "Stormchaser", a blizzard guitar braced echo chamber of squall, it's like Madness were genuinely mad or Busta Bloodvessel really had. This is a brilliant ep, now fuck off and buy it because I'm going to play it again.
IS IT ANY GOOD? Yes it is. "The Shetlands" is an excellent record, release, data stream or whatever, it just reeks class and creativity and silliness and sadness and these fuckers have got form, because their previous thingy, "Germans In Space" is also worryingly fine, get that as well.
WHERE IS IT? www.facebook.com/orchestraofcardboard
LARKS WITH SKINNY LATTE & HER FAT FRIEND
CAJSA SIIK "TALK TO TREES" (BIRDS RECORDS)
                                    RELEASED? Out now.
                                    SOUNDS LIKE? A coffee morning
                                    for American Indie and Euro-
                                    Pop. You know them both. One
                                    has a neat little back beat
                                    and feels for gaps in the mix
                                    with bass and guitar fills and
                                    the other one is the brains of
                                    the outfit and brings the
                                    aching, understated vocals and
                                    the chrome covered production.
IS IT ANY GOOD? There's the thing, "Talk To Trees" is very nice and is apparently big on German college radio and I restlessly hunt for the next thing to love, but part of the niceness may well be the generic reassurance that "Talk To Trees" actually sounds like. Can we play "Stutter" now, please?
WHERE IS IT? www.birdsrecords.se/cajsa-siik-1
I GET KNOCKED DOWN, THEN I GET UP MYSELF, AGAIN
DANBERT NOBACON & THE AXIS OF DISCONTENT "STARDUST TO DARWINSTUFF" (BANDCAMP, i-TUNES, SOUNDCLOUD, SPOTIFY ETC)
RELEASED? Out now.
SOUNDS LIKE? Well, there's
some catchy ole' country
rock n popping going on
and some nice swinging as
well, but, at the end of
the day, Trish, it's just
another comfortable ("This
universe was made for you
and me") white bloke going
on about how nice it would
be if we were all nice to
each other and to the environment and that's all true, but this thing reeks of stasis and smugness and I hate to be negative, but I hate to be so lazily patronised, so I internetted and Danbert is living his fucking dream and we've got it all wrong by driving cars, voting Brexit and Trump and generally, you know, not being quite as insightful as he is. The video we pasted here is because we haven't got anything 'official' from the album, apart from a press only Soundcloud link, right on.
IS IT ANY GOOD? No, it is not. The artiste is, or was, capable of more cutting, snide, less obvious stuff. Any fule kno' that Trump is hella bad, any fule kno' that pissing on the only planet we have is crazy. These messages are now as universal as those of love, longing and loss. Danbert, go hard or stay home, eh?
WHERE IS IT? http://danbertnobacon.com/home.html
DO WE MEET YOU AT THE BOVINE SEX CLUB, AGAIN?
CRAZY BONES "MELTING" (DIGITAL)
                                            RELEASED? Out now.
                                            SOUNDS LIKE? Does not
                                            matter. The Sex
                                            Pistols couldn't play,
                                            McCartney learnt to
                                            read music as a
                                            toddler of sixty odd,
                                            so it's perfectly fine
                                            for me to say that
                                            Crazy Bones are great
                                            just because they're
                                            playing at something
                                            called The Bovine Sex
Club on the 2nd March in Toronto and it's likely that they'll play the very late T.Rex style "Melting" at you, whether you're nuts deep in a cow or are enjoying some genuine bullschtik. As it goes, Crazy Bones seem to be hovering between "Tanx" and "Zinc Alloy", but that's a pretty cool place to be, just like THE BOVINE SEX CLUB and I wish I could be there on the 2nd of March, but I'm not that fucking nuts, more's the pity.
IS IT ANY GOOD? We're still talking about the track, so it's a yes, "Melting" is a fun slice of sonic stuff and what else do you want, what else do you need? Danbert Nobacon?
WHERE IS IT? www.facebook.com/CRAZY-BONES
PIANO BEATS WIND AFTER EXTRA SPECIAL TIME!
OMAR RAHBANY "PASSPORT" (ANGHAMI)
RELEASED? 10th March.
SOUNDS LIKE? All sorts of things, mainly authenticity. This a serious man who is seriously into having some fun with a whole swag bag of influences. Take our current favourite, "Zook: The Power Station", it's a cleanly and sympathetically produced mash-crash of 'real musician' Arabic knock about that's as much Cuban Boys as it is Chick Corea and it will make you smile, even



















if you usually loathe jazz as much as I do. (I thought Johnny Hates Jazz was a support group), but that's not the tenor or tone of an album that manages to pull off the very difficult tricks of being wayward without being chaotic, pretty dirty with an impeccable production and allegedly jazz and still a joy to listen to. The opener is the "Overture" and it ranges madly through Hollywood film score to pastoral classical and cartoonish flute interludes and is always peppered with the little fills from Arabia. The nice pr person recommended "Programmusik: Babel" and if you like Focus you'll love it and if you need voices as some kind of reassurance you will be reassured. We are far too groovy for all that and prefer the winsome ache of "Trip To The Moon", all poise, hesitancy, shimmer and languid bass and piano combinations, again infused with Arabic instrumentation and subtle, Iberian guitars, very lovely. Still, the best is the light touch of "The Untitled", a piano beauty that's wound round by wind instruments that can't quite kill it with kindness.
IS IT ANY GOOD? Massive thumbs up, "Passport" is exactly what it's name suggests, a passport to new combinations. So open your mind, open your ears and let this oddly cool album in.
WHERE IS IT? www.omarrahbany.com
FUZZ ALL OVER THE ALTAR!
THE ROUTES "IN THIS PERFECT HELL" (DIRTY WATER RECORDS)
                                         RELEASED? Out now.
                                         SOUNDS LIKE? Everything
                                         that came from the
                                         stewpot that's been
                                         bubbling away forever. In
                                         this one it's backbeat,
                                         bratty vocals, sneering,
                                         leather, fuzz, feedback
                                         and clatter. I know, it's
                                         more like a perfect
                                         heaven, but they probably
                                         won't allow chewing gum
                                         or slouching in heaven, so hell it is and it's cooler than advertised. Chasing right to the cut, it's "Housework In My Head" that epitomises this album and, very probably The Routes. The thing you need to bear in mind with this one is that it's not 'retro', not at all. The Routes sound like vandals in the Church rather than worshippers, they have bite and spite and smear the lines between Iggy, Ramones, The Charlatans and Rocky Horror, told you it was cool. 
IS IT ANY GOOD? Yes, they're not paying court to the past, they're dragging it into the brave new world.
WHERE IS IT? www.facebook.com/theroutes
GUNS N RAZORS
WINSTONS "ENOUGH" (GRAND JURY /
WARHEN RECORDS)

RELEASED? Out now.
SOUNDS LIKE? The kind of soul
infested rawk that recalls
Creedence Clearwater Revival at
their best, or C.C.S or The
Great Crusades. Any which way,
Winstons are a towering power
of sound and fury and have
heavily bearded vocals and a
heavily armed kinda sound and
you have to love them or we
will come round with all the kit from that scene in 'A Clockwork Orange' and we will make it right, alright?
IS IT ANY GOOD? Yes indeed, they are cross and they are hurting and they play like that and they're right as well, love should be enough, spread the word.
WHERE IS IT? www.winstonsband.com
I don't want to be Garfunkel anymore
More later...